i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
