his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
