Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just cut my nipple shaving
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he thought i was a dude.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
