I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Please don't give away my fajitas
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
