Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
