3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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