We got so high we made milksteak
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize