So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
