she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
