I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
