Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
how drunk are you?
Several
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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