took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
