I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize