Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
