I just threw up on my dentist
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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