Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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