I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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