better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
