you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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