I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
