Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
