yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize