Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
