She's JV to your varsity
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
