I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
