You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
