are you still at the devil's house?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
