Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize