He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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