Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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