Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
