Already got asked if we're dating
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
