Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
