You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
