I haven't been this sober since birth.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
