Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
