It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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