I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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