Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
