meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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