how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
