I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize