I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
