dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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