I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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