What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
