Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
