Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
