I bet he comes in French.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
