haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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