It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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