FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
