Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize