You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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