I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
