All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
