so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize