I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
