oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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