when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So squirting runs in the family.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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