the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
