The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
