i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
