I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
