How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
