I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
