Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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