Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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