how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
