I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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