i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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