used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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