Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
