Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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