I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
