Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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