White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Randomize
