she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
