my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
