Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize