Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
