you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
