I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
