Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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