I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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