I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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