just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
