you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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