if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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