Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
