i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i believe in u and ur pee
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
