Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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