My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
