so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
