so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
