Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
