I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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