I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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