Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
