i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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