Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
