sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
