dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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