The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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