New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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