Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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