areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i am craving dick and cupcakes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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