whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
