you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
