it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
